i took down the Christmas decorations last night. it looks kinda naked around here now. i think maybe it's supposed to look that way. and maybe even feel that way.
this year, more than ever, i am struck by that "after-Christmas" feeling. our Christmas was a very good one, very memorable and fun and full of family and blessings. it was also very indulgent.

we got the kids more than they needed. they actually stopped opening presents after the second one and didn't care about opening any more--they had the treasured DSI's and were set. the husband got me skis, boots and poles. i actually thought about getting him a four-wheeler. we took a big trip to colorado where we stayed in a fancy hotel, ate incredible food, visited museums and had 7th row seats to the avalanche game. it was amazing and we are so thankful to my mom and her husband for this.

but on the way home from dinner at the cheesecake factory, we passed homeless people on the street, rolling out their sleeping bags for the night. i watched news stories as i worked out at the hotel--on equipment that had built in TVs and headphones on every piece of cardio equipment--about jobless people, starving kids, people without heat and water...

you see where i'm going. i am struck by guilt. and i was struck even more last night, as i drove home from hockey practice at 7:30 and passed him.

the can man. riding his bike up the highway in 13 degree weather.

i had big plans for can man, you remember. and i actually DID make him a box of peppermint bark. i actually DID buy an extra fleece face mask hat for him. i had dreams of filling up a backpack full of stuff for him, since he carries everything in a plastic grocery sack tied to his handlebars.

but i never got the guts up to do it. the peppermint bark was given to another family. the husband wore the fleece mask to spray the outdoor ice the other night.
i feel bad, but that's not going to get him anywhere. i am totally convicted here but i am too chicken to do anything about it. argh.

the can man is just a small piece of my guilt. i feel guilt for having a good and comfortable life and not sharing more of it with people in need. i feel guilt for wasting so much time on me.

i did google "habitat for humanity" the other day. there is a "week for women" in may where they have projects for women all over the country for a week. i thought about the blog girls. i thought about my mom. i thought about my sisters-in-law. i thought about DOING rather than thinking and saying.

wouldn't that be something?