i sat down yesterday to figure my year-end taxes. i started my own business four years ago and it looks like this year i made more than i did at the agency i left. i say this without pride but quite a bit of regret. here's the thing. last year, i also FELT and ACTED like i did at the agency. last summer/fall i was stressed, crabby, not able to sleep, i didn't have time to workout, i said things that weren't nice, i was self-absorbed and not fun to be around.

it felt familiar. it felt icky. and i didn't like myself much.

i just had an entire 11 days off and my head is now back on track. it's ironic, because it was the week between Christmas and new years four years ago that i decided to leave the agency life to be a freelance writer. i needed my life back.

it appears i need my life back again.

i am thinking about the correlation between money and happiness. God is right. money does NOT make you happy. things do not make you happy. in fact, money and things can be pure evil. they are so very temporary. the things that matter--the things that make a life--those are free. love, family, friendship, happiness. all free.

so. i am re-evaluating the way i go about my business for 2010. i will still do the work i so enjoy. but i will do it in a balanced way. i will learn to say no when i need to say no. my family has to come first.

i thought i learned this lesson once. good thing God doesn't mind teaching things twice.