i am posting something so we all don't have to keep looking at my big head and deann's little head for the next week.

so the boys both tried out for this AAA hockey team on monday. sigh. i'm really still not sure how i feel about it. i threw the original notice about the league away last fall, thinking "no way, jose" about hockey in the summer. plus, i figured it was really competitive and why put my kids through that? i would have NEVER tried something like that when i was a kid. then again, i was terrified of smokey the bear and santa claus.

then the whole hockey thing surfaced again this winter and both boys wanted to try. the husband backed them up, saying even just the try-out experience would be good for them. i was very reluctant for many reasons. i gave in, thinking there's a good chance they won't make it anyway. i still feel that way. we don't hear back until january 23, and we'll either be invited to try out again in february or we'll be told "thanks but no thanks." the kids at the try-outs were all very good. i'm not sure how the coaches will pick.

here are my fears. my biggest: that little j makes his team but big j does not.
my second biggest: that big j somehow makes the team and falls apart under the pressure of playing in this competitive league. he has that whole "fear of failure" thing going on and we are just starting to see him make progress. i do not want to see him backslide, or end up hating hockey because of it.
my third biggest: that summer hockey will KILL our summer.
my fourth biggest: did i mention little j making the team and big j not making it? it isn't quite the same if big j makes it and little j doesn't. little j is, well,little. it would be ok and he's the kind of kid that just rolls with the punches. IF little j makes it, big j will have to ride along to all the games and tourneys this summer...and not be part of it. i think that will be tough for him to swallow.

ok, tough for me to swallow. there. i said it.

oh, crap. i thought writing this all down might help, but the knot in my stomach just twisted even tighter.

let's just hope either they BOTH make it or they BOTH don't.

stupid hockey.