i'm restless. i'm waiting for the rain to stop so i can go outside in the after-rain and let my brain go free. i've been waiting all day. sometimes, i just have things to process and i NEEED to go on a run. even if i'm a little bit injured and a little bit lazy and a little bit cozy here in my house. i had a half-conversation last night with someone i barely know--a guy from college--and i can't shake it. i asked him how he was doing and he looked at me with these soft brown eyes and said "life could not be worse." then he told me how his wife found out she had leukemia while she was pregnant a couple years ago, and she died. he was left with a newborn and another little one. he told me this in a drunken stupor, and i just stood there, wondering what to say. ten seconds later, we were interrupted and he was gone.

so i need to go think about it. i'm not sure why. i guess because life is short and sometimes really, painfully sad and it's hard to keep it all in perspective. i take so much for granted. i waste so much time doing stupid things and thinking about stupid things. i don't tell people how much i love them often enough. i don't make phone calls when i should. i don't send packages on time. i don't thank God enough. i want to be a better person, and then i find myself bickering at the kids or nagging my husband to please for crying outloud shut the cupboard doors.

so. i will go run...i think it's stopped raining. it's going to smell good and it's going to feel good and i'm going to come home with something i didn't leave the house with. i'm not sure yet what it is.
i guess i'll go find out.