So I decided maybe this would be therapeutic. I have been in a bit of a black hole for the past four days--the hermit in me took over. I wasn't even going to blog about this, because in all honesty, I don't like to say it outloud. I don't want any of this to be true. And in the light of the whole big world, it's really not that big. It's just really really big inside my heart.

It's my big boy. Again. It all started at parent teacher conferences last thursday. His teacher said his behavior in class is cause for concern, and she gave several examples.

He is spacey. She'll tell him to go get something from his locker and he'll come back wearing his coat. He'll be reading a book and the class will get up to leave and he won't even notice. He'll make funny noises without realizing it.

He's not social. At least, not social enough. He will play with kids, but unless they are doing something cool--like playing a video game--he'd rather just play by himself. He also doesn't like to look people in the eye when he's talking, and he really doesn't care if people like him or not.

He's not interested in finishing his class work. He'll start it and then just be done whenever, even if his sheet is half completed.

Those are the main things, I guess. I've noticed the spaciness and the lack of social skills, too. Combined with the many things I've noticed about him since the day he was born, those are enough things to set off my mommy alarm bells. When he was little, he was incredibly structured. He seems to have outgrown that, but I do remember it well.
He has always been way, way ahead of other little kids. He had full sentences down at 18 months, knew his alphabet by sight at age 2 and could read at age 3. Right now, he can add three column numbers, count money, multiply, divide and read the sports section and tell you three days later what it said. And he'll by 6 in two weeks.

I realize those things sound like a proud mommy "bragging" about her son. On the contrary, those things scare the crap out of me. If you read just a little bit about gifted children, being gifted is nearly as socially and emotionally crippling as having a mental handicap. These kids don't learn in a conventional way, and they are usually social outcasts. They are misunderstood, and have a very hard time in life. They are rejected by peers, not often liked by educators and are a handful for their parents.

Combine this with the fact that I believe my son may possibly have something that is only recently being "uncovered" in the academic world. It's a combination of Asperger's Syndrome and Highly Giftedness, and it causes a whopper of a personality. Extremely brilliant, without a care in the world for social etiquette. I will say that my son does not seem to exhibit the strong traits of AS, because he does have empathy and he's sensitive to others, and he has a big sense of humor. AS kids are often very robotic and have no motor skills. But some of the other things do line up. Research says that AS kids and gifted kids are often misdiagnosed for each other, because they share so many of the same traits.

At any rate, we're getting him tested by a pediatrician starting this Friday. I will anxiously await the results, and have promised God that no matter what it is--he will always be my wonderful gift of a boy and i will do whatever it takes to raise him right. Like any of you, I want my kid to thrive in life, to be loved, to be appreciated. My big boy is my soft spot. He always has been. I love him beyond comprehension. I know that all of this seems so insignificant when you think about the kids who do have severe handicaps, and I am embarrassed to be this worked up about it. I am blessed to have two healthy, happy, smart little boys. And that's the thing. My son is VERY happy with life. He loves school, says he likes all his friends and loves recess the best. He's happy and well-adjusted, because he doesn't yet know that he's different. And neither do any of this friends. I want to just protect him and keep it that way forever. But I know those days are fading fast.

On the upside, I did read that Albert Einstein and Thomas Jefferson were both AS Gifted. I just wish i could talk to their moms to see how they handled it.

Thanks again for listening. This was more for me than it was for you.