it occured to me last night that the list of things i don't know how to do very well is quite long. i always say if i was ever on survivor island, those people would boot me off right away. i have nothing to contribute to the tribe--no hunting skills or medical knowledge, i can't cook, i don't know how to build things, i get crabby when i'm hungry and even crabbier when i'm tired. i hate bugs and can't stand them eating me, and there is NO CHANCE i'm ever eating them--not even to save my tribe's butt. about the only thing i could do is write a nice story about the island experience. like that'll keep the snakes away at night.

anyway, i digress. back to my list. it's long and pathetic, and i have decided to try to tackle a few things as a form of self-improvement. they say you should never stop learning. so, here goes:

I will learn how to wash a window so that there aren't streaks all over it when i'm done, making it look worse than when i started. what the heck is the secret to this??

I will learn to expand my cooking horizons beyond things that come out of boxes. Say a prayer for my family during this difficult time of transition.

I will learn to curl my eyelashes. I know it can be done, I've seen it. why can't i get this figured out?

I will learn the proper geographical location of foreign countries, major rivers, mountain ranges and ahem....continents.

I will learn how to pour gas into the lawn mower so that the gas does not run all over the mower. and my hands. every stinkin' time.

I will learn how to open a bottle of wine without shredding the cork.

I will learn how to plant flowers that actually look good past June.

I will learn how to FILE MY DANG NAILS. (see previous post on "nail biting")

I will learn how to retrieve voice messages from my cell phone. no, i'm not kidding.
sorry to all of you who never got a call back.

I will learn how to dry my sheets so that they don't come out all wrinkly. is this even possible, or do you people seriously iron your sheets?

I will learn to operate the DVR so i don't have to ask my first grader for help.

I will learn to make a sandwich like they do at restaurants. which means i must go beyond wheat bread, peanut butter and jelly.

I will learn to remember people's names. that 12-week dale carnegie class just didn't pull through for me.

I will learn to keep an ice scraper in my car during the winter. it looks like a really good idea.

I will learn that if i don't want my kids dressing in shorts and t-shirts 365 days a year, it's best to put the shorts and t-shirts away when it starts snowing outside. or they will be cold.

I will learn how to buy a really great pillow. the kind you can mush up in a ball and sleep on all night long.

I will learn that it's best to clean the house AFTER the party instead of before.

I will learn that feeding the family spaghetti after watching the toad choke down a nightcrawler isn't a good idea.

I will learn that writing blog posts when I'm supposed to be working isn't a very good idea either. with that, i sign off. happy day :)